Why silence is communication
Ever been in a meeting room, or any room for that matter, where the most powerful presence in the room is not the one who’s shouting or yelling or hollering or glowering, its the person that has stayed silent and listened and commanded the room with their eye contact, body language and maybe a few well chosen words or sentiments.
I’ve worked with a leader who was an absolute master at this. The more silent he remained, the more people around him talked, and either put actions upon themselves or talked themselves round to the point he needed them to bring up, and then he eased in with the killer sentence or two that was the most crucial point or action of the meeting. To the untrained eye it looks so minimalistic. Behind the scenes theres nothing minimalistic about it. It takes years of experience to get to this level of silent mastery. I also truly believe it only (and SHOULD only) come with practice, patience and most importantly proof. You need both experience and the receipts before you can decide when you can sit out of the game and let the game come to you.
I think a lot of it comes from being in a position where by design of the position one tends to have the luxury of people presenting things to you. You can sit back, observe and then speak when the time is right. So a lot of it, for sure, comes down to tenure.
Something I am trialling in my professional life at the moment, as a stepping stone, is to have 2-3 key points in my mind before any big meeting (this only works when you know what the agenda or topic will be and you have time in advance to prepare). My rule is by the time the meeting is over aim to have raised these topics for noting or consideration and try to bring them up in and amongst the conversation when the time presents itself. Once you bring them up, really listen and take note of peoples responses and reactions to the points that you’ve raised. Gauge whether people agree that these things are worth considering or are enthusiastic and receptive about what you have said, or if they tend to just let it go by.
People reactions to the points you raise will tell you a lot as to if you are “reading the room” correctly. It will provide confidence in your ability to identify the important issues / concerns that resonate with other people. If you find you’re not quite getting it right just yet, it will help you decipher what you need to educate yourself further on i.e. what are you overlooking that makes you think this is a big concern but that others are not concerned about.
Furthermore it promotes a practice of knowing that not all things need your voice attached to them. Once I’ve raised those 2 or 3 key points, or if someone else has already covered them in the session and I have nothing more to add, I practice staying silent. Sometimes, the most powerful form of communication is your silence.
Nick Cave once said “The lovely thing about the unsayable is that it is unsaid. As soon as it is said, it is sayable and loses all is mystery and ambiguity. Art exists so that the unsayable can be said without having to actually say it. We cloud it in secrecy and obfuscation. The mind is free to roam and all things can be imagined, under the cover of darkness. How nice that is, the unsayable. How tired we are of having things explained to us. Having things said. How nice it is, when people just shut the fuck up.”