Book Review: Leveling Up by Ryan Leak
What is your definition of success? You must have your own definition of success in order to avoid living out someone else’s version of it.
2. Your North Star
You can’t know if you are following your North Star unless you move your external definition of success to an internal one. In the absence of having our own definition you will look at external “yardsticks”which is usually some version of something that appears unachievable for the average person. If attained, its usually a fleeting feeling of “I’ve achieved that. I’ve made it. I’m in the elite.” But if it’s not in pursuit of your own North Star, there will always be a gap between the achieving of these “things” and your feeling of true success.
3. What happens if you shift the definition of success from “what can I get” to “who am I becoming”.
Theres a well placed quote here by another life coach and author Veronica Tugaleva and that is “To know yourself you must sacrifice the illusion that you already do.”
The book describes everyone as having their own “Biomythography” which is essentially the weaving together of myth, history and biography to tell our own personal stories & successes.
Usually, we glorify ourselves and minimize others in the achievement of our success.
Ultimately, in our quest to understand our impact on others we must first be prepared to honestly look at ourselves.
4. Self awareness and your North Star. What do you want your impact to be?
For example, if you need to improve your relationship with your loved one, start looking at what’s in your control to do. Stop using the narrative of “if they were more romantic, I’d be more romantic” ask how YOU can get better.
5. Being the best verses being YOUR best.
If you look at what other people do well and apply it to how YOU can do similar, and by doing so help more people - that’s usually inspirational and motivational.
If you look at it from a perspective of comparison and find yourself stuck in the narrative of “this other persons has more likes, more followers, more speaking opportunities, more books and more best sellers” you’re probably not operating towards your North Star and need to take a reset.
6. Assess your risk affordability
People are bold not because they think they won’t fail, but because they’ve experienced failure, and assessed it, and now assign its proper weighting.
If you are trying something new, and you are letting a fear of failure get in your way, write down your worst case scenario. If it is survivable - you should probably go for it!
7. Usually the biggest risks that burn us are the ones we take on other people.
People are going to disappoint you. They are also going to amaze you.
8. Authenticity
Can we afford not to fit in? The higher we are swayed by external influences, and the more our decisions are made around them, the higher the degree of inauthenticity we live with.
The book describes “code switching” which is essentially finding yourself acting differently in certain groups than in others. Sometimes, it can be a big asset. For example, public speaking and knowing your audience and tailoring it to them. Other times, code switching can be at the cost to authenticity. We get so caught up in our “image” we get further and further from who we ACTUALLY are.
9. The antidote to inauthenticity? Honesty. We seem to have a chronic fear of being “average”. People admire imperfections from a distance and yet we are still so afraid to embrace our own.
10. The mantra he encourages is everybody doesn’t need to know who you truly are, but somebody, needs to know.
You do not need your reveal your averageness or failures to everybody - but the people we care about deserve our honesty.
Creating a false pretense of our lives only creates distance, then when we need support nobody knows what’s really going on or the truth of our lives.
People hide because we’ve all got something to lose
Its that feeling of “if you knew this thing about me, how would you treat me”
The most liberating decision can be in the letting this go of this, and deciding to be you.